Saturday, June 5, 2010

New Morning

Yesterday was a hard day. It is okay to have hard days. It is not fun to get news you really didn't want to hear but hey, "come what may, and love it." We are still working on all the details for my chemo and radiation and we really don't know much other than it needs to happen and it needs to happen as soon as it can. We are doing everything in our power to fight this. I was put on a new special diet yesterday that pretty much will hopefully starve and not allow cancer cells to grow and help with my immune system and everything in general. Pretty much, I have eaten my last cupcake. Let me tell you, it was a good cupcake! Sister Bayles makes the best cakes and cupcakes (and they are cute...that makes them even more fun to eat!). So pretty much I guess cancer cells really like white bread and white sugar. They like white things...and cupcakes...are white! :) My sister-in-law said she would make me chocolate cupcakes, Joshua said red velvet but our nutrition expert caught us and said...food coloring doesn't quite work! Sister Maloney has taken the reigns with the whole food thing and brought us the most amazing pizza last night. My mother made the mistake of saying she would pick up some pizza tonight for our movie night at Wallyball where Sister Maloney soon assured us that we would still have pizza...it just would not be Poppa Murphys! She walks in our door about 5:30 with heaven on a few trays behind her. I am thinking pizza...cheese, olives if I am lucky, little meat, sauce, you know just pizza. Okay, this was not just pizza. We all were rolling out our own individual WHOLE WHEAT crusts and then topping them with onions, peppers, olives, tomatoes, turkey, cheese, and pineapple! We had pesto sauce and red sauce! I really did not feel like I was eating healthy at all! It quite possibly could have been the best pizza I have ever had in my life! If this new diet thing involves this pizza every Friday night...this next year may not be that bad after all! :) More than anything, it was fun. My family was all there and we have all had a little different presence about us but it seems like in that hour we were together it was easier to smile and laugh. For an hour, I got to forget the doctors and what they were saying and I got to look at the people I love most and smile. Thank you Sister Maloney for making my family stronger last night. Yes, yesterday was a hard day but we found light and we all fell asleep with a smiles on our faces.

We will keep you updated when we know more. We still have a few battles we need to fight this week but we will fight them. We will love what comes.

I believe

I love prayers

I am young and strong...much stronger than those stupid cells in my brain! :)

Tara Lynn

10 comments:

Susan said...

Tara, you are up as early as I am on this Saturday morning. I always loved you, but I love you even more now. I am inspired by your positive attitude. Please come by when you feel up to it. If you tell me what you CAN eat, I will make it for you. I am sure it won't be as amazing as your pizza last night, but it will be filled with love.

Love, Sister Dyar

Susan said...

Oh, and yes it IS okay to have hard days. We wouldn't have any good days without them.

Amy said...

I have been on a diet that excludes white sugar and flour for the past 6 months so if you need any ideas recipes, cookbooks, etc I've got a ton. I know you will beat this, you are strong!
Love,
Amy Williams

Sarah said...

Hey Tara,
I am so sorry to hear about all the trials you have had lately. I happen to come across your blog about a week ago, and I had no idea what you were going through. I know it's been quite some time since we've talked, but I still love you dearly! I was so happy to see you and Josh at Spencer Lyon's reception and to see that you two were so happy. I'm excited for the both of you to get married. :) Tara you'll pull through this, I know because in high school, you were always happy and strong. You are so awesome! I will have to come and see you before I leave for BYU myself. :) I leave in a couple of weeks. I love ya Tara!
Love always,
Sarah Parker

Heidi said...

Hey Tara, like Amy I've gotten a lot of experience cooking with "healthy" stuff-- I've got a couple recipes for whole wheat versions of pancakes and muffins and things that aren't so bad. I'll make some for you if you want, (maybe a little farther down the road when you aren't already being showered with food :-)

Bad days are no fun but normal-- it's the bad days that make us appreciate the good days so much more. We are all here with you for this, whatever you need!!!

Love you-- Heidi

Makay said...

you are in my prayers. I don't know you, but I love you already. haha. you are so very very strong... and no bread? ugh... I am sorry. we can make carrot cake! :D

God is watching over you. I know it.


-makay

emmakaren said...

Tara,
If I were cool I would bake you some healthy stuff....but I don't know how so it would probably taste like bricks and I'm thinking that's not so tasty. But you really are wonderful and always in my prayers and the prayers of my family! We love you and cannot wait to see you pull through this completely! Because you will! :)

Love,
The Bartons

Jean said...

Atta girl, Tara--no white flour isn't so bad-I am sure you will be able to take that one on - no problem! (lots of experience here-let me know when you are stuck for ideas)
Thanks for sharing your fears and joys with us--you and your miracles are an inspiration to many...

love

Lisa Marie said...

I'm sure Aselin has quite a few of those awesome recipes up her sleeves. :) Taking white stuff out of the diet is SO hard at first, but after a while you do stop craving the sweets, so that's nice. LOVE YOU!

Mandy&Dave said...

I just read the news. I'm so sorry you guys. My mom is in Germany, but I just sent a message to let her know. I know she cares about you all dearly. Having been through some hard times in our family, our hearts are very sensitive to the trials your family is going through....I like to think that maybe my dad can be one of the angels that helps you through this. I'm sure the Lord will send many angels and you will feel them in very real ways. You have such a wonderful family, and Tara, you are so strong....you can fight this fight together and win!

Tara, your comments next to your picture of Muir Woods really struck me...you said that there you felt peace and you felt that everything, no matter what happened, was going to be alright. While that answer certainly was meant to help you face your surgery, maybe it was also an answer for you to carry in your heart and to hold close at times like this. I think sometimes the Lord gives us our own little sacred groves...our moments of clarity...and they are meant to help us at times when things are not so clear. I think there is a reason you felt what you felt in those woods. Hold onto that when things are hard.

We will be praying for you all. If you ever want to escape and run away to Boston, any and all of you are welcome to stay in our apartment here. Seriously. Anytime. Even if its several months from now...just email me at mandyclive@gmail.com

May the Lord's angels be with each of you to hold you up and bless you with peace,

Love,

Mandy (miller) Clive