Wednesday, August 4, 2010

One day left

Yesterday I took my last Temodar dosage and tomorrow I finish my radiation...hopefully forever. I had a really good couple of days this weekend but since last night things have been a little rough. It is expected and really I can not expect to fee good all the time...which unfairly is usually the case. I really don't know why I am an exception to every case...oh wait...ya I do! It is because the Lord is planning this...not the doctors! I ate breakfast this morning...weird! I usually can't eat because of the meds but I didn't have to wait so Joshua and I had a healthy egg breakfast. I decided that since I am the only thing fighting this cancer for the next month I better be extra good with the eating. I used to justify saying that tomorrow the radiation will catch all my sugar eating problems. I would like to eat sugar in the night time before bed because I had this crazy idea that the sugar would have less time to do bad things if I ate it at night because it would not have as much time seeing as the radiation would zap it the next morning. It is amazing what kind of mind games I would play with myself...it seemed like I was trying to sneak sugar into my body without my brain finding out or I was devising a plan that always had good justification. Being a girl with hormones is no longer a good enough reason for why I need ice cream and chocolate every so often. I have to find a really good reason for myself. Yesterday I told myself that I HAD to eat the sugar. We were in a business meeting and there were eight people or so in attendance and it was two of their birthdays and everyone had cheesecake and they were eating it so out of pure politeness I ate the cheesecake alllll gone! I was just being polite and showing I appreciated their birthdays and their birthday cake! :) See that is excellent justification! Unfortunately, the next birthday party I know I am invited to is my fathers and that is all the way in September! Anyone have a birthday any sooner...anyone...please! I need good justification! :) Just kidding. Maybe I will make it a goal to make it until his birthday...it can be another milestone for me. We all thought it was funny that I had no idea how many days until my birthday but I could tell anyone off the top of my head when August 5th was coming and how many treatments until then. My birthday came and went and was enjoyed but August 5th will always be remembered...so I am making it an official Tara Holiday! (without cake of course!)

I think Chol posted some good pictures of my birthday celebration a few posts ago...thanks cholz you are the best! You are the blog queen! Imma miss her when she's all grown up and gone to college...she says she will miss me too...I think she will be way too preoccupied with a new batch of boys!

Have a happy nights rest and don't forget to smile tomorrow...it is the last day I have to be a slave to that table and mask. It will be the last time I surrender myself to that machine...I hope and pray! My mom said the other day I was like a lamb being taken to the slaughter...I don't think it is to that extent but I thought it was pretty funny.

Tomorrow my life will change again...or at least my schedule. I would say that after tomorrow I can sleep in but I am afraid that after tomorrow my dad will be at my doorstep earlier all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed ready to go to work! (I work for my Dad) At least he is happy every morning...come to think of it...I don't ever think my dad has been grumpy...ever. Weird, I am grumpy all the time...must have gotten that from my moms...just kidding mom I probably got it from my older brothers!

Well this was longer than I intended...sorry. Thanks for reading

Tara

3 comments:

Rachel Schlappi said...

hahaha... dad has been grumpy! we ALL have. I think it would be abnormal and weird if no one was ever grumpy in their lives... ps.

Heidi said...

Today's the last day!!!

Makay said...

YAY! I am so happy today is the last treatment! I know you are too!

Prayers and Love, Makay