Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Tomorrow's a new day

Becky again.... so sorry I know you all miss Tara!  I'm not a great substitute but I know you all want news - hopefully Tara will feel like posting soon.

I wish chemo did not involve sickness.  I was sick a few days this week; and I thought of Tara - mine is just a common cold and after 2 days I'm already feeling so much better.  Tara has to feel tired and weak EVERY month just because of medicine!  My mother's heart hurts.  I wish I could take all the sickness away.  Even the thought of Thai food didn't get a positive response tonight from Tara.  Not a good sign.  She is still so amazing and is our strength.  Somehow she still keeps on going - going to work, functioning in her life.  She really is normal some of the weeks in the month - this is just a hard day; a hard last few days.  She doesn't complain or wish it were different.  In her talk in the new Northpoint Ward last month; Tara actually said she was "grateful" for her brain tumor because of what she has learned from this experience.  I'm not there yet.  I've learned alot and felt the Lord's hand and His love in our lives; but I honestly don't think I can say I'm to the "grateful" point yet.  I recognize that many miracles have happened along our brain tumor path and we've had some wonderful outpourings of the Spirit that we may not have had otherwise.  I could say that I'm grateful for those moments; but I'm still not sure I'm grateful for this brain tumor.  My grown daughter is in bed by 8:00 pm - that's weird and not a very good sign.  The good thing about her early bedtime tonight is that tonight she doesn't have to take a chemo pill!! She is done for the month!  Tomorrow we start the road back to feeling good for the month October... I must look on the bright side.  She's up to 350 milligrams of Temodar, by the way.  In the summer she was on 130 milligrams; but she had radiation to deal with at the same time so the dosage was lower.

3 treatments completed!!!  That's a good thing.


Jeni said...

Oh dear Becky as a mother too I feel so deeply for you. I'm sure she draws so much strength from you! Keep praying, hoping and loving - Our Father knows what is best for us. Lots of love from SA

Becky said...

Thanks Jeni! Sometimes when I look at the blog activity and see a little dot in South Africa I think of sweet Ingrid's sister who faithfully prays. Thank you so much! I do have to trust our Father more. There was a talk last weekend during Conference about "trusting the Lord." I think that one was for me!

Heidi said...

I think of you often. It is amazing that you still share your sweet smile and cheerful attitude with all of us, even through your fears and worries. This is a beautiful story of faith.

Avon said...

You are such a great mom Becky and your strength and dedication is a constant inspiration to me. Keep your chin up!!!! You are amazing. Love you!!!

Kati said...

I don't know you guys but have been following your blog and never commented. But today I was just moved by this post. As a mother I can't even imagine watching your child go through what Tara has gone through. Your desire for taking these struggles away form Tara and taking them upon yourself must be over whelming. My heart just aches for you and your family.

Thank you for the reminders of how precious life and your children are.