Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Close Enough to Touch

I received this a few weeks ago and I can say that it has changed my life. I get tears every time I read this. This was sent to me via email. It is a portion of a scripture study journal from a friend.

Mark 5:25-34
§  A woman has had an “issue of blood” (footnote a on verse 25, hemorrhage, which means bleeding) for 12 years, been to all the physicians, and “spent all that she had, and was nothing bettered, but rather grew worse” (26).  She heard of Jesus and thought to herself, “If I may touch but his clothes, I shall be whole.”  Another great example of faith.  She believes and does not doubt.  An example of zero fear.  Looking at what faith is not is almost as good of a definition as understanding what faith is (belief in things that you can’t see, which are true).  Faith is the absence of fear or doubt, exemplified by this woman with the issue of blood.  If you have even a residue of fear or doubt left in you, then you are not at 100% faith and trust yet.
§  This kind of makes me think of Tara.  Who knows how long she has had this “issue of the brain.”  Probably not 12 years…but who knows when it started growing.  She’s been to tons of doctors and it’s not that she is “growing worse” like this woman, but a grade 4 tumor is a grade 4 tumor.  She will continue with the chemo and doctors and such, but ultimately, if that stuff doesn’t work—there is Christ, the ultimate healer.  With her faith, with our faith, she can be healed.  As she comes closer to Christ (this woman came close enough to touch his garment (27), as we come closer to Christ, she can be healed of “that plague” (29), that cancer.  Let us remember that faith is more than just believing, there is action that must accompany that belief (i.e. the woman fighting the crowd to find Jesus and touch his garment).  We’ve got to come close to Him, close enough to touch His garment.
§  Don’t we all wish that Christ would say to Tara what he said to the woman: “Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace, and be whole of thy plague.”  Is the Bible true?  Is this story true?  If so, then this story defied science and math.  But that is what Christ’s power can do—defy math and science.  Therefore, if it was possible for Christ’s power to defy science then, it is also possible to defy science now, for it is the same power.  It is possible.  Is it His will?

Powerful and so true. Right after I read this I had my own little ponder session and I decided what I was going to do to have 100% faith. My new goal became to come as close to Him as possible. Close enough to touch Him. The woman in the scriptures had faith to make her whole. One day, I hope to hear him say, "Daughter, thy faith hath made the whole." I know that this can happen and it will if it is God's will.

Tomorrow is MRI day. I would love to say that I have achieved 100% faith but I am not yet there. I am a little fearful. Okay, I have dreams and my whole dream is just slowly watching my tumor grow and take over...terrible dreams. I am fearful but I do have faith, maybe not 100%, but I do know that God is in control and he will take care of me. Last night I was a little worried because I have been cheating a lot on my eating healthy chore. I have had more sugar and white flour than I should have and I was worried that because I have not done all I could to help my body that God would not help me. You know the scriptures say that we have to do all we can, we have to do our part. Last night I had the thought that I was not doing my part. Josh reminded me that God does not punish and that he knows your heart and that is more important than what you eat. God can defy science. He is the maker of science. 

I know that our faith can make us whole. I know that families are forever and I know that there is a plan for me. Yes i have fear but I have less fear because I have faith. God is in control and knows the end from the beginning. Please continue your prayers as we still need a miracle. Please continue your faith. 

My favorite stories are when I hear about the primary children's prayers for me. Little Sophie Cullimore prays for me every day and she has got to be the cutest little girl in the world! I have heard that some of the kids I used to babysit regularly pray for me as well. It means so much to me and I know that there is a mighty plethora of others who also pray. Thank you. Last night my Uncle Todd came in town for a few meetings. I picked him up from the airport and he was telling me funny stories about his son Spencer. He is the cutest thing in the world and he likes things done right, like praying for Tara! I guess someone at church forgot to pray for me in sacrament meeting and he decided to let them know that they had forgotten me! :) He called out, "You forgot to pray for Tara!" Now if that doesn't bring a smile to your face I don't know what will. I guess Spencer was also at someone else house who does not know my story and situation but after the prayer in their home he once again told them all, that they "forgot to pray for Tara!" I know that the Lord hears the prayers of the children. Thank you kids for your prayers.

I love you and I will let you know how everything goes tomorrow...

Tumor-less Tara  -- CLOSE ENOUGH TO TOUCH
This song goes along with the story of the woman being healed.
Thank you Shauni


Natalie said...

This is the most beautiful thing I have ever read.

When this all happened and I started reading your blog/facebook updates, I thought to myself "she hass the most amazing testimony I have ever witnessed". Now..I am awe-struck as I sit here and read this, thinking again to myself "no..NOW she has the most amazing testimony I have ever witnessed". I didn't think it was possible to gain a greater testimony than you had a few months ago. However, you've morphed so wonderfully into something so magnificent, I can't even begin to explain.

elizabeth cullimore said...

That was sweet to mention Sophie! She really loves you and makes sure you are always in our prayers! Good luck tomorrow. I hope everything goes really well. Also, I want to come visit you on Friday if you're up for it!

Shantelle said...

You are such an inspiration to me! My name is Shantelle Meacham and I am 17 years old. I don't know if I've ever commented before, but I've been following your blog since you first started writing. You are always so strong and faithful! I have been especially appreciative of your example lately. I have had a lot of headaches, pressure on my head, dizziness, etc. Last week I went into the doctors for a CAT scan and they informed me that they think I could have a brain tumor too. I was scared, but when I read what you have to write, I just know that everything will work out the way it is supposed to! Thank you for your uplifting spirit!