He did not call my scans beautiful...:(

Dr. Shapiro did not call my scans beautiful. He really didn't say much at all which isn't unexpected but rather so unlike me. I want to be explained to, and I want to know more about everything. He just does not have the same bedside manor as Dr. Brachman who was the one who broke the news to me the first time. Now he did not say my scans were bad either!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) :) :) :) :)  Dr. Shapiro said everything was fine! Yaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!! I guess fine is as exciting as we are going to get from him. He really just never gets excited but is funny in his own special way. So the news is good but we have a little piece of information that we are still waiting on. As of today we learned that my cancer is not growing or gone. It is there but not growing. The one thing is that they did find a liquid that they are unsure of. He is taking it to his council of doctors to get more opinions. I have a fluid inside my brain that matches the fluid on the outside of my brain. They are a little concerned but did not show much worry. I may have just hit my head too many times...no one would be surprised!  The doctors asked how I hit my head. Trust me, I find ways to hit things I am not supposed to hit....I hit it on the car door or the bed frame. I will turn too fast and run into the fridge or knock it on the counter after picking something up. I will find a way to hurt myself! Terri said that the worst thing that she thinks that could happen would just be another surgery to release the fluid from the inside of the brain and if they only have to get the outside of the brain then they can just stick a needle in my head to release it. We are just watching it for now. So we had a successful day and I will sleep much better tonight! The nurses struggled using my port today so I am kinda sore but I am so happy with my scan results. No change is so good. It may not be all gone but it is not growing and that is exactly what we need to see. The Lord has heard our cries. He is taking care of me and letting me stay here for a while longer. I know that he is behind this and that he is answering many many prayers. 2 MORE MONTHS UNTIL WE HAVE TO DO THIS AGAIN! I AM SO GRATEFUL THAT MY SCANS CAME BACK BEAUTIFUL TO ME!

Thank you for praying and don't stop! I will let you know what we are going to do about the fluid as soon as we know more!

Tara still-tumor-less Bodrero

 I take my chem in 18 minutes...bring it baby...the only way for me to get better is to get sick. I crave the sick feeling...It is the weirdest feeling to be overjoyed that you are sick!

Love ya

Close Enough to Touch

I received this a few weeks ago and I can say that it has changed my life. I get tears every time I read this. This was sent to me via email. It is a portion of a scripture study journal from a friend.
 

Mark 5:25-34

§  A woman has had an “issue of blood” (footnote a on verse 25, hemorrhage, which means bleeding) for 12 years, been to all the physicians, and “spent all that she had, and was nothing bettered, but rather grew worse” (26).  She heard of Jesus and thought to herself, “If I may touch but his clothes, I shall be whole.”  Another great example of faith.  She believes and does not doubt.  An example of zero fear.  Looking at what faith is not is almost as good of a definition as understanding what faith is (belief in things that you can’t see, which are true).  Faith is the absence of fear or doubt, exemplified by this woman with the issue of blood.  If you have even a residue of fear or doubt left in you, then you are not at 100% faith and trust yet.

§  This kind of makes me think of Tara.  Who knows how long she has had this “issue of the brain.”  Probably not 12 years…but who knows when it started growing.  She’s been to tons of doctors and it’s not that she is “growing worse” like this woman, but a grade 4 tumor is a grade 4 tumor.  She will continue with the chemo and doctors and such, but ultimately, if that stuff doesn’t work—there is Christ, the ultimate healer.  With her faith, with our faith, she can be healed.  As she comes closer to Christ (this woman came close enough to touch his garment (27), as we come closer to Christ, she can be healed of “that plague” (29), that cancer.  Let us remember that faith is more than just believing, there is action that must accompany that belief (i.e. the woman fighting the crowd to find Jesus and touch his garment).  We’ve got to come close to Him, close enough to touch His garment.

§  Don’t we all wish that Christ would say to Tara what he said to the woman: “Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace, and be whole of thy plague.”  Is the Bible true?  Is this story true?  If so, then this story defied science and math.  But that is what Christ’s power can do—defy math and science.  Therefore, if it was possible for Christ’s power to defy science then, it is also possible to defy science now, for it is the same power.  It is possible.  Is it His will?

Powerful and so true. Right after I read this I had my own little ponder session and I decided what I was going to do to have 100% faith. My new goal became to come as close to Him as possible. Close enough to touch Him. The woman in the scriptures had faith to make her whole. One day, I hope to hear him say, "Daughter, thy faith hath made the whole." I know that this can happen and it will if it is God's will.


Tomorrow is MRI day. I would love to say that I have achieved 100% faith but I am not yet there. I am a little fearful. Okay, I have dreams and my whole dream is just slowly watching my tumor grow and take over...terrible dreams. I am fearful but I do have faith, maybe not 100%, but I do know that God is in control and he will take care of me. Last night I was a little worried because I have been cheating a lot on my eating healthy chore. I have had more sugar and white flour than I should have and I was worried that because I have not done all I could to help my body that God would not help me. You know the scriptures say that we have to do all we can, we have to do our part. Last night I had the thought that I was not doing my part. Josh reminded me that God does not punish and that he knows your heart and that is more important than what you eat. God can defy science. He is the maker of science. 

I know that our faith can make us whole. I know that families are forever and I know that there is a plan for me. Yes i have fear but I have less fear because I have faith. God is in control and knows the end from the beginning. Please continue your prayers as we still need a miracle. Please continue your faith. 


My favorite stories are when I hear about the primary children's prayers for me. Little Sophie Cullimore prays for me every day and she has got to be the cutest little girl in the world! I have heard that some of the kids I used to babysit regularly pray for me as well. It means so much to me and I know that there is a mighty plethora of others who also pray. Thank you. Last night my Uncle Todd came in town for a few meetings. I picked him up from the airport and he was telling me funny stories about his son Spencer. He is the cutest thing in the world and he likes things done right, like praying for Tara! I guess someone at church forgot to pray for me in sacrament meeting and he decided to let them know that they had forgotten me! :) He called out, "You forgot to pray for Tara!" Now if that doesn't bring a smile to your face I don't know what will. I guess Spencer was also at someone else house who does not know my story and situation but after the prayer in their home he once again told them all, that they "forgot to pray for Tara!" I know that the Lord hears the prayers of the children. Thank you kids for your prayers.

I love you and I will let you know how everything goes tomorrow...


Tumor-less Tara

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BoL_3zIE9Jo&feature=player_embedded  -- CLOSE ENOUGH TO TOUCH
This song goes along with the story of the woman being healed.
Thank you Shauni

Good Morning!

This is Becky.  It is very early Saturday morning.  As I laid in bed wondering why on earth I was awake, I finally gave up and decided to type this blog post I composed in my mind while in bed.  I LOVE my sleep - I am not one of those people who "cannot sleep".  I am a good sleeper; so this is strange.  This morning brings back a few memories of mornings last May, June and July, when I woke up early with an elephant on my chest; or so it felt.  This morning is different  - there is no elephant there; only happiness.  As I ponder the root of my happiness, I have decided that I am feeling all the prayers and love you are all sending our way.

This week, as in many other weeks, everywhere I go, almost everyone I see, poses the question, "how is Tara?  or how is your daughter?"  I know you are still praying.  Wednesday during an institute class, I spoke with some of our dear friends who are now in the Northpoint ward.  Their words echo some of your hearts - they said, "I want you to know I have never prayed harder for anyone in my life than I have prayed for Tara.  We feel as if she is our own daughter and we have adopted her."  I really believe that.  There are so many of you who have adopted us and have been praying and praying.  I am humbled by the outpouring of love from so many.  I have said that before in this blog, but I really feel as if I need to say it again.

So, when the question is posed, "how is Tara?" my response this week has been, "this is a good week."  That is how we live around here - week to week, day to day.  We cherish the days we have and we appreciate the days Tara feels good.  Yesterday Tara was really hurrying through CVS Pharmacy so she could get to her sister-in-law's track meet on time.  She speed walked and almost ran through the store!  She was faster than me going through the store and I am not a slow store walker person.  It made me laugh and I was so happy to see her moving so quickly.

Thursday is our next scan and next round of Temodar (and next dosage of clinical trial).  I am not afraid.  I was faithful, yet still afraid on the last scan.  This time there is not fear in my heart.  I know it is because of your prayers.  I can feel the Lord's hand in this process.  I told Rachel this week that fear and faith cannot exist together; so I am practicing what I preach.  We also are going to a chiropractor or homeopathic doctor who fixed Tara's weak left shoulder yesterday with lasers, who is going to help us hopefully manage the sickness from the Temodar.  I am hopeful the sickness this round will not last as long or be as potent as last month.  After this round of Temodar, we are down to less than 10 treatments..... I also told Tara as we spoke of the upcoming chemo again, that the good thing about time passing quickly (in Tara's mind it has been quickly) is that the positive side to time marching along is that the treatment is marching along also.

We met one of our blog friends yesterday at the chiropractor - Kayla Heywood - she is another person like Josh who signed up for medical issues before marriage.  People like Kayla and Josh are heroes to me.  There are many Kaylas and Joshs in this world who know before they head into marriage that it could be a tough road ahead with many trials along the way, but do it anyway because of the love they have for their spouse.

Thank you, thank you, for your love and continued prayers!  Have a great weekend!

Two Tenors! :)

 My new ward calling is Ward Choir Director. I know, I am just as surprised as you are. Me? No way, but okay, if that is what the Lord wants I will do my best. Today I had my second choir practice and today, I had my second choir practice with zero tenors! How am I supposed to get a choir ready to sing in church next week when I am the only tenor? I can't sing their part and lead...I can barely lead! I don't know what I am doing and thankfully my mother (and choir pianist) has been a choir director for 15 years and gladly helps me out and can listen to every part, watch me and my pathetic leading, and play the song flawlessly (sight reading of course!). She really is amazing. Thanks Momma, I know you will read this! Anyway, I am a funny little leader that tends to get excited and go up on my toes from time to time. Cutting people off is not my strong point but at least I can keep time. With God all things are possible right? :) So, it has been the second week without tenors and this song really needs a tenor part. It is a beautiful song and the choir is actually doing well! As you can tell by my blog title, there are now two tenors! They probably have no idea how happy I am that they agreed. The story goes as follows....

I have learned more than ever that good things can come from bad things and this is yet another example of how this is true. Yesterday my dear Joshua stepped on a nail. He did a pretty good job of it too. His foot was flat against the board he had stepped on and the nail quickly passed through his shoe and unfortunately his foot. He goes through Motrin like I go through peanut M&Ms and his foot is kinda turning red. I am glad that missionaries have to have tenus shots before the mission so we don't have to worry. We checked the nail and it was not rusty or anything, just long and pointy. He has been on crutches and moving is a burden for him. He is having a great attitude and forgives me for every time I step on his foot or kick his leg. I never did that until he hurt his leg then I start doing it 10 times a day! So my poor guy is in a lot of pain. Josh is part of the Elders Quorum and missed a meeting today because he could not walk and when the elders found out they had to come see him and wish him well. I of course was also at the door and a thought came to my still wonderfully functioning mind..."two men, men...I need men! Could they possibly be tenors??? Just ask!" So I asked and sure enough, BOTH are tenors and BOTH agreed to come to choir next week! I am extremely excited about this and I feel horrible about it but I definitely found good in Josh's pain. I told him that it was a good thing he got hurt (in the nicest way possible) and he agreed. Thanks Joshua for putting yourself through so much pain for me. Thanks to you I have two new tenors and a cute husband on crutches that I get to help. You have never been sick for me to take care of and I am constantly sick for you to take care of!

There is light at the end of every tunnel!

Happy Sunday...are you ready for Monday?

Love,

Tara B.

Also, please keep Elder Ferrin's family in your prayers this week. He graduated with me and just passed away while on a mission for our church. he had a brain aneurysm and I know his family would appreciate the prayers of comfort at this time.

Live like I am dying

I was thinking about this song at breakfast and it has become the foundation for my post

It is a song by Tim McGraw called Live Like You Were Dying

He said: "I was in my early forties,
"With a lot of life before me,
"An' a moment came that stopped me on a dime.
"I spent most of the next days,
"Looking at the x-rays,
"An' talking 'bout the options an' talkin’ ‘bout sweet time."
I asked him when it sank in,
That this might really be the real end?
How’s it hit you when you get that kind of news?
Man whatcha do? 

An' he said: "I went sky diving, I went rocky mountain climbing,
"I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu.
"And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter,
"And I gave forgiveness I'd been denying."
An' he said: "Some day, I hope you get the chance,
"To live like you were dyin'." 

He said "I was finally the husband,
"That most the time I wasn’t.
"An' I became a friend a friend would like to have.
"And all of a sudden goin' fishin’,
"Wasn’t such an imposition,
"And I went three times that year I lost my Dad.
"Well, I finally read the Good Book,
"And I took a good long hard look,
"At what I'd do if I could do it all again,
"And then: 

"I went sky diving, I went rocky mountain climbing,
"I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu.
"And I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter,
"And I gave forgiveness I'd been denying."
An' he said: "Some day, I hope you get the chance,
"To live like you were dyin'." 

Like tomorrow was a gift,
And you got eternity,
To think about what you’d do with it.
An' what did you do with it?
An' what can I do with it?
An' what would I do with it? 

"Sky diving, I went rocky mountain climbing,
"I went two point seven seconds on a bull named Fu Man Chu.
"And then I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter,
"And I watched Blue Eagle as it was flyin'."
An' he said: "Some day, I hope you get the chance,
"To live like you were dyin'." 

This morning at breakfast Josh and I were talking some more about my time left and how it is completely up in the air how long I will be here. Only the Lord knows the answer but we decided that we were going to live like it is my last three years here on this earth. We want to live with no regrets and make sure that it is the best last three years we have or the best memories of our long healthy lives. Of course I hope for the latter and I will continue to pray and have faith that the second will come true but just in case...I want to live like I am dying.


I want to make sure that I say I love you more. I want to make my bucket list and start working on it. I think everyone should have a bucket list and as this song says...we should all live like we are dying. It would not hurt the world to mend their relationships and forgive as this song says. It would not hurt the world to love deeper and really think about what they are going to do with their 86,400 seconds each day. There are a few things that I want to do with my life and so I am going to start my bucket list right now and add to it throughout the week. I am going to start living like it is my last day...we never know when the last goodbye or last I love you is so take every opportunity!


1. California trip - Sea World, Disneyland, Beach and lots of pictures
2. Washington DC - it has been my dream since six grade to go to Washington DC
3. Buy my very own puppy and raise it- I already know I want a golden or a lab
4. I want the whole Schlappi family to go to Lake Powell for a week and I want to ride the tubes with all my cousins
5. I want to go snowmobiling 
6. Fishing...I actually just want to go stay at the barn for two weeks and then I can accomplish number 7.
7. Adopt a horse for a week and call it mine. I want to go running in the lake with the perfect sunset
8. Marry my best friend...check!
9. Have picnics  and barbeque's up in the Utah canyons
10. Have a week with my girls... Becca Shauni Becky...you better be there. I want to go to New York and it may be before 10202020 but I want to go and dance in the park!
11. Sleep under the stars
12. I really just want to be with my family all the time.
13. Another cruise down the Caribbean
14. Go on another Run


This is what I want to do before I have to go. Hopefully I have 80 years to complete this but if not, Come What May and Love it. 


Tara B

learning

Lately I have been learning that some mistakes, you only need to make once. Earlier this week, I put too much vanilla in the pancakes, then forgot salt the next time...now I think my pancakes are pretty good. It only took me a few mistakes to perfect my whole wheat pancakes. So I mastered pancakes and then went onto German Pancakes...which I have made a dozen times. I thought I had the recipie memorized...I thought wrong. There is a big difference between 1/2 cup of butter and 1/4 cup of butter. 35 minutes after the mistake was made I had a serious learning experience. I have found that I really learn best by making mistakes. This is why I think it is okay to make mistakes. I can promise that I will never mess that butter up again. There is now no confusion on the difference of 1/2 and 1/4 cup of butter! Mistakes always clarify things for me and usually make me realize how good the good is. How nice it is when we do follow the rules and put the right amount of salt and that kind of thing. I have just been thinking a lot about all my mistakes and this is my current ponder. My Dad always taught me that I have only lost if I have not learned anything. I want to always learn somthing. My pancakes will never be a complete mess if I can learn something and better the next batch...they are just half a mess!

Be less hard on yourself, it is okay to make mistakes! Just learn from them and let them help you become a better person. Whether your mistakes be with cooking or relationships, make sure you learn.

Wow I sound preachy...sorry.

Have a marvelous night and know that Tara Bodrero is happy tonight. Tonight all is well and my heart is happy...tonight I believe more than ever that I can be healed.

Dream of Shamu and dolphins tongiht...they never fail to bring good dreams!

Tara B.

Dr. Scan today

Today we went to a different type of Doctor and learned a lot of new things.
1. I am not a crazy tired person who wants to sleep all the time, my body is actually tired and wants to sleep
2. My irritability is real and the doctor can prove it. My chemicals in my brain are a little out of whack as you may imagine
3. My chemicals that induce depression are high...good thing I have Joshua as a permanent anti-depressant so I won't be needing anything there!
4. My digestive system is struggling...I could have told you that...
5. My body is doing well for what it has undertaken so far and the doctor was impressed.
6. I have parasites that are not really harming my body...just there...no worries.
7. I have a nerve problem in my left arm that can be fixed...my arm is just killing...josh is rubbing it as I type with one hand...told you he was awesome!
7. There were more cool things said but I actually fell asleep during the doctors visit...imagine that!


Good news...my nails are growing like crazy and many medical friends have told me that it is a good sign that my body is still doing well...my nails are growing well and my hair is coming in so I am one happy camper...

I pretty much feel like I am going to be on a 14 month period...it is going to be one crazy roller-coaster for Joshua!

Wish us all the best and happy October...does anyone know what I could do that would be cool for Halloween? I need ideas please. Hopefully this is my only Halloween bald but I need good ideas. I do have the capability of sticking suction cups to my head...I can stick the dart things out of Brigham's gun on my head...any ideas there? Just need something cheap and interesting...epic and unforgettable!


Love,
Hormonal Tara

October good days

The good days for October are here!!  Tara started feeling better Friday.  I love it when the round of chemo is done for the month.  Only 10 more treatments left.  (that translates to ten months....)  At least we can count them on our hands!  She had a fun weekend; but I'm saving that post for her.  My mother's heart is happy when she feels better.  She says her throat is dry and sore, and she got that "sickness" from me; but I think it's a side effect of Avastin.  I think she's ON the drug.

I now own FOUR different curry pastes!  I found an Asian marketplace Friday afternoon. I took a very fun field trip with a friend to this marketplace.  I may actually make my OWN curry this week!  (sorry, that computer again - I need to figure out which key I'm hitting!)


I love Skype.  I so miss Rachel and her facial expressions - but she can still make us laugh via Skype. We're still trying to get used to only 3 around the dinner table.....3 people here for fall break....3 people putting in our winter grass - but Ryan was nice and showed up for a few hours so we had FOUR.  It's hard to play ROOK with three also..... guess it's time to invite the married kids over!


Love you all!


Thanks for those continuous prayers and love - that's why we're smiling right now and that's how we get carried through the hard times.

Scorpians and Shamu

Okay so yesterday was a more serious post, today is a less serious post. I of course consider it just as serious. Scorpians = from the devil and the ugliest creatures on earth. I have never killed, nor will I ever, a scorpian. Why? cause I just can't get myself close enough to killing them. They freak me out and if you know me well enough you have seen me jump 15 feet in the air or climb on the kitchen table when one is around. I spotted four in our house the other day! Really!!! Four, I about had a heart attack! They were big buggers and josh killed them all for me and even picked them up! Man what a stud! That was part of the deal when we got married. He promised to kill all scorpians...picking them up was not part of the deal but I am glad he does! So today at work I got a package from Staples...finally...a day late! It had my much needed ten key so I could imput the million numbers I needed to imput into the software. I set up my ten key and was half way through lunch when a little white friend ran across my desk. I screamed. Yes, in a professional office, I screamed and ran out of that room. There was a white scorpian now underneath my keyboard and there is no way I was going back into that room until it was dead and gone. My dad is in Chicago this week and Josh is half way across town and the thought of actually killing it myself did not even cross my mind so I went and got Carol. She took care of business. She took off her shoe and killed that scorpian in one whack! She too picked it up!!!!!! I am in awe of all these people who just pick up the scorpians and are willing to just kill them for me. You scorpian killers out there, you are my heros! I guess it is just weird to me because all growing up I used to wait for hours for someone to get home and kill the scorpian and that someone was always my mom and she tried over and over to get me to kill it...I of course was too stubborn and she ended up killing them after much pleading and maybe a few tears. She would never pick them up though...it was as if she was trying to teach me a lesson or something!!! :) Anyway, the bottom line is that I entirely loathe scorpians. Ah, I can still remember sitting on the table watching to scorpian move about a year ago...Nathan was the first home that day and he killed it for me...what a stud!

On to a happier note. I must confess that  I LOVE SHAMU. I have loved Shamu since I had a dream about him two months ago. I don't know what got into me but since then I have watched about every shamu youtube video and my background is Shamu. I have saved pictures on my computers and it is sad to admit but I have even listened to Orca Whale crys. I was saddened this morning when I heard that 3 Shamu's have died in the past four months! I was extrememly sad because they died but also becuase I am afriad they are not going to keep the Shamu's at Sea World anymore. The animal rights people are furious but they better not take the Shamu's back to the wild before I get my chance to go see the Shamu show...and the dolphins of course!

I know that this is completely random but it makes me happy and I promised I was back to blogging so here I am keeping my promise...now I have to go fullfill another promise of scripture study for 90 days!

Sweet dreams everyone, dream of Shamu tonight!

Tara Lynn

It's been too long...

Yes I know it has been a really long time. I went into hiding but I think I am ready to come out. I have not been feeling well lately and it is just hard for me to write when I feel so blue and odd. But I am back, no matter how I feel, I need this blog to keep me going so I promise to be a better blogger...(even if it is just for me). I am still happy and fine, I just feel different. I feel like something is wrong and I don't know what it is...maybe it is that I am not expressing my feelings anymore as I used to on this blog. This is the picture that we took with Elder Cook after the blessing. We were all so happy, Nate just doesn't show his happiness well! I did something I should not have done yesterday. Yesterday my friend wanted to know the name and type of my tumor and I didn't know how to spell it so I goggled it. My curiosity got the best of me and I did more than just goggle the spelling. I found out what the internet had to say about my tumor. I got way to interested and then typed in. "worst brain cancer" I really wasn't surprised when I found that my tumor/cancer is classified as the worst. Yep it takes the number one spot for primary brain tumors. I knew that, I have been told and I have also been told that the statistics are not in my favor but it is another thing to read it. I had previously just chosen not to Google it or get interested and that is how I will now lead my life. Reading that few survive longer than three years and longer than five years is a miracle can be hard to read. The best part about this whole thing is that as soon as I read that more than five years surviving was a miracle I remembered that I was already a miracle and that the Lord could perform another and would if we put our faith in him. So what if most don't live more than three years...we have already learned that I am not like most people and that I am special. This I still believe strongly. I will live as long as God wants me to and I tell myself over and over that God will take me when he needs me and obviously he does not need me how right now so he must need me somewhere else. That somewhere is here so I better do something good with what I have. The knowledge of the gospel gives me so much happiness and peace. People have often asked me how I do it. They ask me how I can keep a smile through these hard times and how I can stay the way I am. For me, the answer is simple. I know who I am, where I came from, and most importantly, where I am going. I know that my Heavenly Father loves me and that he wants me to be happy. He has already blessed me so much and I know that he will never leave me comfortless. I can do what I do because of my Heavenly Father. In case you are reading this and are unware, I am a LDS, a Mormon, whatever. I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I know that my faith in God and my religion has and will continue to help me. If any of you out there would like to know more about what has helped shape and mold me to become the me I am today I will attach a link at the bottom of this post. For all of those others out there who are not a member of my faith please keep praying. I know that faith can bring miracles and a miracle we need.

Christ makes everything possible and easier. If we come to him, he will never let us down. He knows the plan and we need to trust that he is in control.

I want to do good with my time on this earth. I know that I may not live in the same state and my hours are a little crazy but if anyone ever needs anything that I can help them with, please let me know. I am happiest when I am serving because it makes it easier to forget my own problems. Please let me know if I can help, you have all served me so much.

Here's the link I promise that great happiness and joy can be found on this website. mormon.org and lds.org
If you ever have questions or want to know more, just let me know and I can find answers.

I am glad to be back and thankful for everyone who is still following my blog. It means the world to me.

Tara Bodrero

Tomorrow's a new day

Becky again.... so sorry I know you all miss Tara!  I'm not a great substitute but I know you all want news - hopefully Tara will feel like posting soon.

I wish chemo did not involve sickness.  I was sick a few days this week; and I thought of Tara - mine is just a common cold and after 2 days I'm already feeling so much better.  Tara has to feel tired and weak EVERY month just because of medicine!  My mother's heart hurts.  I wish I could take all the sickness away.  Even the thought of Thai food didn't get a positive response tonight from Tara.  Not a good sign.  She is still so amazing and is our strength.  Somehow she still keeps on going - going to work, functioning in her life.  She really is normal some of the weeks in the month - this is just a hard day; a hard last few days.  She doesn't complain or wish it were different.  In her talk in the new Northpoint Ward last month; Tara actually said she was "grateful" for her brain tumor because of what she has learned from this experience.  I'm not there yet.  I've learned alot and felt the Lord's hand and His love in our lives; but I honestly don't think I can say I'm to the "grateful" point yet.  I recognize that many miracles have happened along our brain tumor path and we've had some wonderful outpourings of the Spirit that we may not have had otherwise.  I could say that I'm grateful for those moments; but I'm still not sure I'm grateful for this brain tumor.  My grown daughter is in bed by 8:00 pm - that's weird and not a very good sign.  The good thing about her early bedtime tonight is that tonight she doesn't have to take a chemo pill!! She is done for the month!  Tomorrow we start the road back to feeling good for the month October... I must look on the bright side.  She's up to 350 milligrams of Temodar, by the way.  In the summer she was on 130 milligrams; but she had radiation to deal with at the same time so the dosage was lower.

3 treatments completed!!!  That's a good thing.