Thursday, January 27, 2011

Dear Readers

One more round down, 7 to go. I can't tell you how excited I am for August 2011 to roll around. Some count down to birthdays and holidays...I will count down to the day I get to finish my temodar. I started my most recent round on Thursday and the day was completed by yet another poke and the avastin-placebo drug. Needless to say I have been a wee bit tired since then. Yesterday when I got to work I did not bother to set up my computer. I put my lunch in the fridge and headed straight for that pillow! I slept from 7:30 to 10:00 and could have used a few more hours and then a few more naps during the day. It is absolutely rediculous how tired I am. I love to measure by how easy/hard the stairs to work are...I barely made it up them yesterday, today I made them up better but then had to turn around and go back down the mountain I defeated to get something from the car and face my challenge once again. Thank goodness it is thursday and there is no work for me tomorrow. My mom texted me earlier with a wonderful list of things we could do tomorrow...all which required energy. Quilt Store, Laundry, Cleaning, Quilt and Craft Show in the afternoon, Nate's game, Lunch, Grocery Shopping. MOM....YOU FORGOT A 5 HOUR BLOCK OF TIME FOR A NAP!  I now realize that I have become lame and boring and that is completely fine with me. I continue to bond with the food network and have ventured out a bit to check on my Jack Bauer...okay I ventured by watching a whole season in one day (almost). Saturday I was in bed the whole day and was out for a grand total of 1 hour. I am getting to know my bed too well. I am just glad that our room is dark, quiet and...has a 90 inch projector...that is kinda nice for sick days!

I am back to eating to live. I about threw up when I accidentally ate turkey in my soup last night. people there is a problem if I am not devouring the turkey. I am a turkey girl and really, the thought of it right now kinda makes me sick. I can't stand the smell of bread being toasted but could eat a whole loaf once it is. My Dad has to shove food down my throat at work and my poor mom packs half that pantry hoping that something will sound good when lunch time comes. She can't ask me in the morning because we never know what is going to happen. I think I am over my grape addiction and Thai food has completely died. Pasta is still there along with oranges and jamba juice. Okay, I think I could live off Jamba! Josh get's his spicy chickens from Carl's Junior and I get my Jamba (with protein to make joshua happy! :) ) I have lost a little weight this treatment but I am sure I can get it all back on...there is nothing that a couple watter bottles and a loaf of bread can't fix before a doctors appointment!

Travis had a birthday this week and well...it is kinda hard to celebrate when he is forever away but we love him none the less and appreciate all the wisdom he has patiently shoved down the throats of us. He is currently applying to his PhD school or something smart like that. So far we have a yes from a school is Texas and a yes from Cal Tec. A no from Princeton and awaiting the next seven soon to come. His dream is to go to MIT. The families dream is that he gets to go to MIT because he really really wants to but our second choice...easily..is Cal Tech. Trav you can't move forever away!

Joshua is on a Train Track for Tara and trying to get all of school done as fast as possible so he can get a job with a big company who can't say "no"  to a girl with Brain Cancer. It is kinda sad how much this has altered his life as well. Not only does he have a non-functional wife who is constantly complaining but he also has to think about his future and about how he has to get a job where I can get benefits. The things he does for me... I would not make it without Joshua. I actually saw a Yahoo question yesterday from a boy...it goes as follows..wait I just went back and it was deleted...wow I am glad it was gone. Anyway it pretty much said, "My girlfriend is bald from Chemo, how do I break up with her. When I go places with her I get red with embarrassment and can't handle the stress." Oh this infuriated me! He, of course, had mnay answers of what to do. Most ended up with...she deserves better and you are a horrible person. It just made me so grateful for Joshua. I never had to wear a wig or even a hat if I didn't want to. He was happy with me and it made it easier for me to be happy with me. Everyone has been so encouraging of me and my hair and it really does help. It helps me deal with the fact that I HAD no hair. I, of course, am now growing lucious locks of hair! I now have bed head and empathy for my brothers who have the same straight hair that I do...It will not...will not...lay down. I used to wonder why their hair always went straight up...wonder no more! Oh the lessons I am learning.

Wow, that was long.

It feels good to write again!

Happy weekend everyone!

6 comments:

Laura Bayles said...

I'm glad you are writing again....but I know you feel like_______! Hope you really start feeling better soon. How bout another day of Yoga when you feel up to it???

Laura Bayles said...

In case you were wondering - that was not Laura that posted that last comment or this one!! Don't know why her name is on my profile and I don't know how to get it off. Lynette

Heidi said...

Good to hear from you again! And way to go surviving another round of chemo!!! You will beat this Tara, you are so strong. Still praying over here....

Elizabeth Cullimore said...

Hello, Lovely! I hope these next months fly by for you. We are visiting you tomorrow but I won't be offended if you sleep through our visit! Maybe we'll bring our blankets & pillows too!

Terri Jones said...

It's so good to hear from you, Tara. You've been on my mind this week. You and your wonderful pantry-packing mama. (isn't she the best!?) Thank you for taking the time to write. You are so adorable! I would love to be in Phx right now and see your lovely new thick head of straight hair! (and you!) Save a grapefruit for me. I still just might get there!

TS said...

Well...the way I see it:

LA is a 6 hr drive.
Boston is a 6 hr flight.

Since money doesn't matter, these two options are equal and I will be home the same a mount of time...eh?