I am definitely officially in the Christmas mood. Christmas music is all I let Joshua listen to and I drink my happy cup of 100% apple wassail heated almost-too-hot! :) I snuggle in my blankets and get to wear my winter hats! Oh I love Christmas. Josh and I are in the process of getting our tree and then Christmas will be ready to come! My sister found a new Christmas song which is pretty awesome. If you want to check it out...watch here! So I was going to write other things on this post but I just got back from the Doctor and I have some rather exciting news!
I don't know if you would call it peeking but I am almost sure that I will be getting what I really really wanted. It is the biggest present that I have ever wished for in my life!!! This may be the best Christmas ever!!! All I wanted was a clean scan and today I learned that it very well could happen. Today we became more sure that I am on AVASTIN!!!!! Yes, it may seem weird to be this excited to be receiving more chemotherapy but trust me...chemo has become my new best friend! For the past two infusions, I have noticed a slight almost headache. It doesn't hurt and does't really bother me. I get kinda hazy or dizzy and it just feels funny. Today I decided to tell the nurse about it. Earlier in the appointment we were speculating with the nurse whether or not I was on the medicine. She said that by the end of treatment she can usually tell if people are on it. No one in the hospital knows who is on it...not even the pharmacy who fills it. They all say "Avastin placebo." She told me that based on the previous side effects I have been having she thinks that there is a chance I could be on it. That made me happy! :) So 3 minutes later I tell her about the weird feeling and she gives me a look...a very good look. I said, "is this a side effect of Avastin?" She then said, " every one of our Avastin patients says almost exactly what you just said. (my heart starts pounding) and water...doesn't do that to you!" (In others words, I am probably not getting the placebo (water) in my veins). She gave me a smile and then walked out of the room. Maybe I started to cry of joy...how could this be possible?? ALL my dreams are coming true. I would have been good with the marriage and happiness and all but now...the very medicine we prayed for is running into my body helping to kill my cancer. I got control of my tears before she got back and replaced the happy tears with a beaming smile...it almost hurt I was smiling so big! I believe that I am on the Avastin and that this Christmas I very well could get the gift I have been dreaming of...a clean scan. This sends us hopefully on our way to that very thing. I have tried to be a good girl all year long! :)
Ah, I am just so happy.
Your prayers and faith. Thank you. I am thankful for you.
-The happiest girl in the world (cause I am getting more chemo!!!!!!!!)