Girl's Camp 2011

Becky again...... so sorry you aren't hearing from Tara - I know it's on her TO DO list to write on her blog sometime this weekend; but it's been way tooo long; so I'm going to fill in some of the gaps of the last month from my perspective.  Tara may cover many of the same things; but as you have learned, we have different perspectives.  I know her writing makes you smile, cry, and laugh, and mine is mostly informational - but even information these days is sadly lacking.... so I'll start and Tara can finish!!!

My last post was somewhat depressing..... I'll have to admit I was NOT at all looking forward to weeks of antibiotics again. So, I'll start with the Sunday after that post.  This was the 1st Sunday in July.  Let's just say we have an amazing Stake President who really does listen to the Spirit and is where the Lord wants him to be when He wants him to be there!  Sunday evening President Bawden stopped by our home (about 7 pm - I'm sure he had been gone since 6 am that morning) just to visit us.  He felt impressed to come by.  Tara & Josh were at our home for Sunday dinner that evening.  Scott, Tara & I stepped in the living room to talk with him (we knew he came to see Tara) and the first thing he said to any of us was to me and it was, "How are you doing, Becky?"  "You don't seem to have your usual sparkle." Tears instantly flowed down my face.  Lynette Bayles calls this face of priesthood leaders the "Bishop face".  Same thing happened to her when Scott asked her how she was doing one day - and REALLY meant "how are you doing?!"  Anyway, President Bawden knows what it feels like to be the one watching a loved one suffer - he's BEEN there and I know he knows.  We proceeded to talk for a bit - mostly Tara talked to Pres. Bawden and her spirit was shining through (nothing unusual for Tara).  She was in a much better spot that I was; she was still positive and talking about how she's learning through all of this.    Now I have to preface my next comments with some info.  One of my husband's responsibilities in our church is to oversee the girls' camp for the 12-18 year old girls in our stake.  It's held once a year.  I told him this year I would go with him and help cook or do whatever was needed of me because Nate would be gone that week to EFY (Especially for Youth - a church camp) and I might as well get out in the mountains; be of some service, and be with him since there were no "kids" to mother that week.  That Wednesday I had decided not to go to girls' camp.  Tara was in her "couch" mode - feeling just too sick and blue to do anything at all; and although it would make Tara really really mad for me to stay home from camp because of her; that's exactly what I was going to do anyway.  I know there are so many others who would happily step in and help in any way they could; but my crazy mother's heart just can't stand the thought of Tara feeling crappy without me trying to do something if I could.  Too many times there is absolutely nothing I can do but just see her be sick; but even if that's the case; I didn't want to be away from her.  Is this co-dependancy?  I don't know...  anyway, Tara had in her secret little heart wanted to go to girls' camp also; and I had thoughts about her going and was wishing the stake leaders would ask her to go; because I knew how much she loved girls' camp and I believed that there were girls there she could touch; but girls' camp is not something you just invite yourself to and say, "hey, by the way, I feel like I should come and be with the girls and help somehow".  You have to have a job, a role, a reason for going.

President Bawden, after visiting with Tara, and seeing her great spirit shine forth, said that he felt impressed to invite Tara to girls' camp.  The hugest smile broke out on Tara's face and she just KNEW it.  Just knew that she was supposed to go.  Bear in mind that she had been feeling really yucky after the June 29 surgery.  President asked her if she could make the trip; and she said yes, but she wasn't too sure about leaving Josh.  So, President visited with Josh also; and Josh was his wonderful, supportive, self and encouraged Tara to take this opportunity.  Tara was all smiles, and this meant that I, as well, would be going to camp.  Tara & I both received priesthood blessings that evening.  From that moment on, Tara's strength steadily started to improve., and my spirits improved.  I just needed that boost I received from the priesthood blessing and visit from Pres. Bawden.  It's like the Lord was telling me He knew I was still there, still going along this pathway...

Tuesday morning we went to camp - 1 1/2 hours away.  Tara's role at camp was to just enjoy the girls and do whatever she felt like.  She wasn't sure how she would be used yet.  She took some pretty hefty naps every day; but was eating better than she had eaten in weeks, and was feeling reasonably well.  She was able to walk around the campsites back and forth without trouble.  Wednesday came, and Pres. asked Tara to speak to the 4th level girls - these are girls 15 turning 16.  These girls camped at a different spot that the rest of the group; so we traveled there that night.  Pres. asked me to introduce Tara and "tell her story" and then Tara spoke.  It was difficult for me to get through the "story" - it's really the 1st time I've told it to a group before and public speaking is NOT my forte.  I shake and tremble and especially in a story like this; it's tough for me to get through.  I can play the piano in church hundreds of times and rarely do I get nervous; but the minute I open my mouth I pretty much fall apart.  But, somehow the Lord sustained me, and I "told the story."  I said things I didn't think I had told Tara before; like what the pathologist really said the day of the report - how my daughter's life really was on the line.  Tara spoke after me, and Pres. asked her to follow the Spirit and talk about whatever she felt like the girls should hear.  She spoke of how important her temple wedding was to her - one thing she said was, "if the Lord took me home right after my wedding, I knew it would be okay because of my temple marriage."  But, the Lord has left Tara here (as she said) and while she's here she believes she's here for a reason and that reason is to help others.  I personally, hope there are billions of people she has to help because I want her on this earth for a very long time!!!  She spoke of the importance of the temple, of God's love for each one of them, of temptations, of modesty, and other issues.  Many tears were shed and many lives were touched.  I'm sorry this is so long; but it's counting as my journal and I don't want to re-type again.

Thursday Pres. wanted Tara & I to pretty much repeat Wednesday's experience; except give it in the main lodge to all the rest of the girls.  Thursday at about 3:30; someone came to steal me away from my cook's responsibilities in the kitchen.  Tara was lying on the couch in the lodge unable to get up.  She was unable to focus, walk, and she was "feeling weird."  (which is a word she uses often).  2 nurses were around her and one bishop who is also an oncologist at Mayo Clinic.  She was pretty much out of commission and I was wondering how on earth she was going to stand up and talk to all the girls that evening; but I had the thought, "if the Lord wants her to speak, there will be a way."  Sure enough, about 6:00; she pops off the couch, eats a reasonable dinner, and gets her strength back.  That night she stood by Pres. Bawden for about 45 minutes as they both spoke to the girls.  After her talk, the girls started to line up to see Tara, and a line formed that ran outside of the lodge of girls waiting to give Tara a hug.  She expressed her love for the girls and her desire to help them, they felt that love, and wanted to meet her personally.  After the "line of hugs" Tara seriously SKIPPED out of the lodge. Skipped!!  Coming off the couch to skipping - THAT is the power of love.  My mother's heart was so happy for her.  I love those moments when I see glimpses of Tara - the not sick version of Tara.  That girl is something else, and girls' camp was such a tremendous experience for both Tara and the girls.  I know the Lord is REAL, I know He loves us, and it helped me so much to feel that, as well as Tara.  I got a little glimpse of eternity.  There are people here who Tara can help with her story, so many people.... I want her to keep on reaching out and being needed so much on this earth that she won't be called back home to heaven.....can't stand the thought of her ever not being here..... that's the place in my mind I just can't go; even though my mind wanders there at times..... when it does; I have to push away the fear and remember that where faith grows, miracles blossom.  Tara's afraid again today - she gets that way when she has a bad headache.  I try to remind her she's been here before - and help her push away the fear also; but sometimes fear rears it's ugly head anyway.  She's so sick today - those antibiotics are really taking their toll; but the good news is that WEDNESDAY she should be able to stop (at least that's what I'm hoping the dr's will say on Monday).  Wednesday marks 6 weeks since surgery.  I'll write more later... you still need to hear about vacation....