Friday, May 10, 2013

Miracle within a Miracle "Poppy"

So I have made it very clear and still firmly believe that `my life is a miracle and love labeling myself as a "miracle"! I do not know how anyone could argue against me! :) I am a walking talking miracle.

This last week I have been able to be a part of yet another miracle. Josh and I have once again beat all odds, picked the one wild card in the bunch, thrown the doctors for a loop, etc! Usually my wild card is cancer, kidney stones, staff infections, near blind eye get the picture! Fortunately, this wild card has reason to celebrate.  Josh and I are expecting a baby due late December!!!!! My eggs!!! My body!!! wow this was the biggest surprise I have ever had. Not only were my eggs supposed to die from Chemo, but we were also on birth control trying "NOT" to get pregnant! I guess my body really wanted to have a baby, or the Lord did and blessed us with a miracle. I call her my little "poppy" because she is barely bigger than a poppy seed. I do not believe in coincidences, rather God putting his hand in your life.

With that said, I believe it is no coincidence Josh's grandparents came into town and we got on the subject of child birth, then with child birth on his mind, Josh decided to learn what all the symptoms of pregnancy were. Of course I had many of the symptoms such as dizziness, sick stomach and extreme fatigue but I pushed it out of my mind because I have had all those symptoms constantly for the last three years with no baby to show for it! I was 90% sure I was not pregnant when I took the test. I am so glad I was wrong and my Joshua was right! I took a pregnancy test and my heart sunk to a place in my stomach it had never been before. Neither of us said a word for a few seconds in complete shock. We had read the instructions and followed them to a T and we went over, more than once, what the positive lines were, and what the negative were. We let that little puppy sit for two whole minutes then panic struck. Yes, being pregnant would be the greatest thing in the world! In fact, I want nothing more than to be a wife AND a mother but we were on birth control for a very serious reason. My medications I have to take harm the baby and do not allow the brain and spine to form properly. Thoughts raced through my mind and a million miles per hour. "Tara, what have you done! Have you killed a child? Why are you pregnant? Will they make you choose between your life and your child? Will your child be motherless? Will your baby die? You have ruined a life!" I had to keep holding back my tears, I felt so guilty. I mostly repeated, "Joshua, what have we done?" I quickly called my sister-in-law who has had experience with pregnancy tests to gather all the information she had while Josh searched every website about the accuracy of test and how accurate this specific test was. He learned it was actually recommended because of accuracy and I learned that if the tests are wrong, it is because they show a false negative, not a false positive. Now time to figure out how long! My sister-in-law and have close cycles so I found out how close I was to my next cycle...we approximated 4 days. This test could be real!

We freaked out and I had nothing but fear and guilt in my heart until Josh smiled at me on the way to my parents for dinner. That smile is magical and somehow took all my fears away and made me feel like everything was going to be okay. I learned that with God, all things are possible, and with my Joshua, all things will be okay. The peace and love he gives me from one simple pure smile is indescribable.

The rest of the night was enjoyable and nerve racking. Enjoyable because my oldest brother already knew and he came in the door with a smile and little side comments that through my mom for a spin. He kept asking me if I felt sick and we talked about having a 2 bedroom instead of one, we would walk by each other and stick our stomachs out as far as we could. I knew I had to tell my mom and dad before the next day ( I had already called Terry and scheduled a time to get my blood drawn) I needed to drop a bomb on them...but not the usual ("Hey I know you are in Missouri on a business trip but I am having surgery Monday...hope you can make it") blast.  I knew this was going to make my mom fall to the ground! There were just a few problems I needed to work around. My cousin showed up for dinner, my best friend was there, an investigator was there, the missionaries were there and my dad and brother had home teaching and a very inconvenient time! I got the cousin and best friend out of the house with a singles fireside but had no idea how I was going to work around the missionary lessons which were immediately followed by Dad and Nate.

I finally decided to have Nate interrupt the lessons for 1 minute. I insisted that both parents were there!  When they got to the bottom of the stairs I knew it was time. " Mom, Dad, I just wanted to let you know that I am scheduled to have a blood test tomorrow, I think I am pregnant." Boom! The bomb was dropped and my mother slid to the floor with her hand over her heart and tears in her eyes while my father moved his way over to kiss my cheek with his "I love you smile". Of course the first question was, have you been taking your folic acid? Folic acid is what we call my defense against my seizure drugs. The drugs increase risk of de-formalities in the brain and spine and folic acid supplements are supposed to help. I had to tell her the truth that I had not...we were trying not to get i was not too worried. That night our hearts were  filled with surprise, happiness, and fear... I think I slept a grand total of 4 hours!

Monday = blood day. 10:45 could not come soon enough. I left 30 minutes early for the lab 3.5 minutes drive to the lab just because I could not sit at work any longer and I had the doctor STAT the order so I did not have to go though another sleepless night. Four seriously seriously seriously long hours passed before Dr. Tutt called to confirm that I was indeed pregnant! The whole office soon found out whether they wanted to or not because of the screaming and crying that came from my mom! :) I then went to interrupt Dad's meeting to tell him grand baby # 3 was on her way! Our little angel is the size of a poppy seed. We have decided it's a girl until we are told otherwise! :) We are happy to meet our baby poppy end of this year!!!

Okay, I wrote that about a week ago and I wanted to update just a bit. Our poppy is now a blueberry. I was referred to a high risk set of doctors to help with my baby care! I know have a team of 4 doctors to add to my others! I saw the baby's heart flutter yesterday and learned all about the risks that go along with my medications. My baby is exactly 7 weeks old today and our official due date is Dec 28, 2013! I will deliver at St. Joes Hospital! All my doctors and nurses can come see me for a reason other than brain surgery!!!! They will have to travel to an unfamiliar wing to see our new little family of 3!!!!! I am so excited.

Our risks are actually lower than we thought but we appreciate all prayers still...I feel like I never stop asking for them! :) We have a less than 10%  chance of problems because of the meds...those are odds we can surely beat!

I am taking my gummy vitamins and poppy does not make me too sick...just very dizzy and tired...but what else is new? I am just extra tired on top of my extra tiredness :)

We have another an ultra sound in three weeks! My mother could not believe the technology they have now and how early they can see the baby!

This is real! It's happening!

Don't tell me I will not be a mother... Imma be the best mommy ever!


My favorite Meds by far!! :)


Anonymous said...

This is awesome. I am so excited for you. You are gonna love this adventure!

Jennifer Noble said...

Oh my gosh Tara that is freaking fantastic! A million congrats! I am so excited for you! You are going to be an amazing mother!

Heidi said...

Congratulations, Tara!!!!!


Kelsey Bang said...

wow! what wonderful news that sure brightened up my day! I am sooo excited for your Tara! You are going to be an amazing mom! So happy for you and your cute hubby and fam! wahoo!

Cami said...

This makes me SOOO Happy! Congrats to a soon to be Mommy. You really are going to be such a great Mom!!!

Amy Famer said...

Tara and Josh!! Congrats!! I am so excited for you that I am crying and dancing at the same time. Literally. You, Josh and Poppy will all be in our prayers now :) You will be the BEST mother ever. I have always known that!

Julianna Farnsworth said...


Jane said...

What wonderful news!! Congratulations to you and your family. What a blessed little soul to get to come to such an amazing mommy! Looking forward to following your story over the next several months. Sending prayers of hope and gratitude!

Anonymous said...

Praise God!

Avon said...

Oh Tara.....YOU will be an amazing mom. We are so happy for you and Josh.

Jessalyn said...

You are amazing and will be an amazing mother! I'm SO happy for you!!

Anonymous said...

Praying and anxiously awaiting the news of your next ultrasound. Is it tomorrow?