Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Scan Today

So, I am cheating and I know many of you do not do "facebook"; but you check the blog; so I cut and pasted some of Tara's posts on facebook here so you can hear from her in person instead of me just telling you about Tara's life.  So, here's a few of her words:

"So I went in for my scan today only to see my neighbor waiting for his scan! At 1130 both Chuck Buckhannon and I went back to have our brains scanned and then walked over to visit our Neuro oncologist...crazy! Sad that two people four doors down have the same oncologist :-( love you Chuck Buckhannon you are always in our prayers.

Results of my scan were no change on the actual tumor but I have a "ditzel" there...just a little something that could be a vein, scar tissue or tumor but he said tumors don't grow in the same shape and he is not worried we are just going to watch it."

(This was last week)  "Imma seizure girl! Yesterday at Zupas everyone was lucky enough to see me seizing which included hitting everything in reach...including myself. The scene got better when I tried to stand and my favorite left leg would not work so to the ground I go. Thankfully there was a nice strong man who managed to get me into the car and safely buckled. My seizure did not stop while in the car so the man in the car next to us at a red light had quite a show as I hit my mom over and over and then after that went straight to the window and my own face. I hit my hand so hard one time I started to cry but then looked over at my mom and she started laughing!! Seriously? She told me she had to either cry or laugh so she laughed and then I began laughing...the poor people in that car next to us thought we were crazy for hitting things and laughing. We made it to the hospital and as soon as my arm settled down from the meds I fixed my moms crazy hair (my arm kept hitting her hair and her head) and made sure she had no bruises from my little attack! Memories made and lessons learned. I'd rather laugh than cry!
(Becky.... .yes, I was scared and wanted to cry - we had been 11 months without a seizure and this one was a big bad scary one.  I hadn't seen it this bad before, but Tara recovered and seems to be okay now - but it does take awhile to recover.  Sometime the week before the seizure; Tara actually played the piano for an hour!  I couldn't believe it and her left hand was working admirably well.  We even played a few duets.  I will take this as a sign of healing.  In the past when she has tried to play the piano; it ended in either tears or a huge headache with Tara plopping on my bed trying to recover.  The brain is just a crazy organ that I just don't get sometimes.  Anyway, as I felt like crying, I of course couldn't because I try never to do that in front of Tara, so I prayed out loud for us to get through this seizure somehow; and then shortly after the prayer, I started thinking how comical it could look to someone to watch Tara literally hitting my head repeatedly and started laughing.  Tara was scared as well and was actually crying some because she hurt her hand while hitting the console; so I tried to deflect her blows on the console by putting my arm over it; which instead moved her "hits" to my head; which was much softer than the console in the car, thankfully, and it didn't hurt my head; just hurt my heart some.  So, back to the hospital we went, where Tara had the familiar IV needles, poking, drugs, etc.  As for today; my heart is so heavy for my friend, Robin, that I am really struggling.  Today was not a good day in the brain tumor world.  But, Tara once again showed me her amazing faith and told me her faith is "not based on the outcome."  It is locked in accepting God's will.  She is stronger than me; I am working on my faith and trust in the Lord; but I still have plenty of room to have faith grow some more.  Tara completely trusts the Lord, I don't think that means she never gets scared; but she does trust.  I try to push the fear away and always have faith there instead, but sometimes that fear rears its ugly head.  Today it did and I am mostly calm about Tara's little spot on her scan - will have to spend more time in prayer, though for sure to keep myself calm.  She's feeling really good for the most part, so that lends me to believing it is likely scar tissue from that surgery in June.  Shapiro said it's close to the incision area; so that could be an answer.  Last time we were worried about the scan, it ended up being dead tissue from radiation; so these little spots have lots of different reasons for being there.  We will watch and see and just keep praying and praying.  Robin reminded me today that prayer is the best medicine.)

Love you all!!!

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