Wednesday, October 17, 2012


Why I am sad tonight? Is it because Tara admitted to being scared on her eve of the routine MRI?  Is it because her legs are hurting for no explained reason?  I don't know. It's always a nerve wracking routine; this "routine" MRI every 2 months.  I should be fine.  Tara has been feeling pretty good (until the weird leg thing started this week, which will likely go away). Is it because my friend's husband is tired and sick every day lately suffering from treatment due to a brain tumor? Usually the night before I am pretty happy knowing that I usually get to spend several hours with Tara the next day.  We are going to leave early, go to Last Chance, Zupas for lunch, then visit a friend in the hospital at St. Joe's; then on to the MRI and Dr. Shapiro.  I will snap out of it in the morning.  Maybe I am just tired. Is it ok to be tired of the constant knowledge of forever MRI's?  We have an MRI, then move on and live life again - that's the good part. After an MRI, we can usually BREATHE.  Oh, how nice that is.  So, tomorrow we will breathe again.  But, until then, my precious daughter is scared and not too excited for her MRI.  I don't like her being scared.  I'm just having one of those "life isn't fair" moments.  This too, will pass.  I will reflect on all our blessings and remember all those people who suffer so much more than we do or have.  So, I've had my cry sessions already today and I will pick myself up, move on, and enjoy time with Tara tomorrow.  I will remember to enjoy the moments that make up the hours.  I will enjoy looking at her cute pixie face with those beautiful brown eyes.  I will try to forget the words brain tumor or glioblastoma.  Will they always be indelibly printed on my mind?  I spoke with a few people this week who reaffirmed to me that every single day they still pray for Tara, 2 1/2 years later, every SINGLE day they are praying.  Praying like we are that she will LIVE a full life here and be free of this tumor forever.  She's already a walking miracle; those were her words themselves - just want it to STAY that way.

Thanks for letting me vent; just had to whine a little.  I will be fine now.  I will pray for peace and it will come.....


Shantelle said...

You are amazing! Keep being strong, because you are a great example to the world!!!

Heidi said...

Just a few more hours and this MRI will be over with and you can breathe easy again for a little while.

We're still thinking of you-- let us know as soon as possible the MRI results so we can breathe easy also!