Monday, January 16, 2012

Tomorrow Begins the End.

Tomorrow night I will be privileged to properly take care of those four pills sitting in my medicine of the first, one important cabinets that we  unpacked since we arrived here in our lovely place. I am ready to take them. Tuesday night, Wednesday night, Thursday night, Friday heart is racing just thinking about it. the thought that the chemo pills will be gone and will not be coming back. Done Done Done. Just a few more pills the size of my pinky finger to swallow and then they are all gone! I knew I could do it. I just can't believe that it is this week. I was taken back last time we had a scan and I realized that this would be the last treatment but now the treatment time has arrived and it is time to finish. It is time to try to be as normal as I can. I am noticing side effects from radiation/surgery1,2,3,4,5,6,/chemo/other meds/etc... just little things. I get frustrated with myself until I remember what my body has been through and what it still has to go through. I realize that there is some healing to do and I become extremely grateful for this body that I do have. My legs ache and ache all the time but hey...I have legs and they walk pretty well and even run...on most days you may even catch a little skip in my step. My arm seizes but we have meds to help and thus far I have only hit my dad and mother-in-law in the face... I have an arm and it works pretty good most of the time. My little lefty does not like the piano right now but we will see if we can work with her and see what we can do. I am the Relief Society Pianist and I guess it is good for me...I used to be able to play every hymn and even embellish on a few now I am struggling to read as fast as the music needs to be read and play the right hand... That little trooper does pretty well but my little lefty needs help. I promise I think I am telling my brain the tell it to move but it doesn't...then I am left in confusion trying to find it with my eyes and then put it where it goes and then find where I am with the right hand. This is all happening while everyone else is trying to sing... I am hoping that this is something that will help everything re connect and be one of those blessings in disguised. For now, I will just embarrass myself twice an hour every really is not that bad...I have almost all my hair back and most of the people can't play it much better than me (that's what I tell myself :))

We have been doing the glass half full thing at dinner when we go to my mommas for dinner and I hope that I can be one of those half full people.

Tomorrow tomorrow I love ya tomorrow you're only a day away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   sing it Annie


Heidi said...

Just a few more days, yay!!!

I am sure that even without your lefty working you are a far better pianist than I am :-) The RS sisters are lucky to have you-- for lots of reasons!

Mandy Clive said...

This is so exciting Tara, I seriously couldn't be happier for you! I'm sorry about all the little annoying side effects. I can relate to telling a limb to do something and having it refuse! Not fun. But you are right, your body has been through a serious war! It'll probably take some time to leave all the side effects behind. In the meantime, what a great attitude you have, and how exciting that your scans are clear and your chemo is almost done! Lady, I'd say you and your body have won this crazy war! You are so amazing. Congratulations!! Keep us updated on how you're doing. :)