Thursday, November 10, 2011

Tender Mercy today

Becky here.    I am in my usual spot next to Tara's hospital bed watching her sleep.  Trying really hard not to sniff, be on the phone, or do any noise that bugs her.  Typing may bug her soon - we'll see.  Today is port removal day!  Tara was so excited to get the port out.  We visited a part of the hospital we haven't seen before (new since last year when the port was put in) and the nurses were all so kind and helpful.

As nurse #1 proceeded to attempt the IV; it was really hurting and she must not have hit the vein well.  Tara's beautiful pixy face was pinched with pain as the nurse tried to get blood to come out of the IV.  No luck - no blood came out and she finally withdrew the IV needle.  Try #2 on the other arm.  She put it in and instantly Tara cried out in pain (real tears) and freaked out because her hand was suddenly going numb and she was hurting so very much.  I ordered the nurse to remove that IV.  Thankfully Tara did get feeling back in her fingers after a few minutes.  I had my cry for the day as I watched this all unfold.  I look into Tara's eyes; and most of the time I just see Tara, my daughter, my friend - I reflect on all the years I have gazed into those brown eyes.  Other times like today; I see in those eyes Tara, the brain cancer patient who has suffered so much so bravely.  It just breaks my heart to see the pain.  I want it to stop.

The nurses wouldn't leave us - they were busy doing other things to prep Tara for surgery.  I told them we needed a few minutes with the curtain shut before we could proceed with another IV attempt.  Through my tears, I held Tara's hand and prayed with her for the next IV draw to go smoothly with as little pain as possible.  I pulled myself together (of course, Tara was already pulled together way before me!) and then opened the curtain and told the nurse we were ready.  We pasted our smiles on and a nurse #2 tried the IV this time.  It went in so smoothly and with very little discomfort.  Tara was calm through the whole thing.  I had them put a warm blanket on her before this attempt also and during all of this she was trying to remember to BREATHE.  Blood came out smoothly from the IV; and then she was good to go.

She is sleeping now; but needs to wake up so she can see Dr. Smith and Dr. Shapiro; also scheduled for today.  We're trying to consolidate appointments!!  The final decision on the cruise may be made today depending on Dr. Smith and Shapiro and if Tara feels comfortable with the whole idea or not.  I hope Dr. Shapiro decides to just be DONE with chemo and doesn't want to finish that last treatment she only started for 1 day before the whole surgery thing.

Can this possibly be the last time we'll be in post op?  I pray so.  I hope so.  I really do.  It is possible - with the Lord anything is possible.  Every day Scott & I pray that this will be "taken" from Tara.... and I know so many of you pray that also.  I want her body to HEAL now and get stronger, and Tara desperately wants that also.  Pray for healing and strength please, as well as the tumor being rebuked and taken from her.

Thank you all from my mother's heart to yours.


Amberly said...

thinking about you today and hoping you've received the news you've been waiting for.

Heidi said...

Will keep Tara (and the rest of you) in my prayers. The Lord is looking after you-- miracle after miracle on Tara's behalf! Hope that the cruise is a "go!"